Sacred Secrets

17 weeks pregnant and no one knows except those friends and family we've told verbally.  To be honest, it's refreshing.  For someone who has had her life broadcast online for years, keeping this to myself has been really nice.  Not dealing with droves of unwanted advice or attention, being able to feel normal, and feeling like this isn't a big deal has been incredibly nice.  I know I will announce online at some point, at least when I'm so big it's not possible to deny the fact that I'm carrying around an extra human inside me, but for now, just letting my life be mine is a luxury I haven't let myself have in 8 years.  

That being said, I am looking forward to talking about it online, since it does affect a lot that will be happening soon.  I want to share baby den decor ideas, get advice from other moms (ah, that word is still weird to think about applying to myself) on various things, talk about us moving to Alaska and why.

My friend was saying that I'm probably documenting this whole process because I'm a blogger, but actually, I haven't been.  Maybe I'll regret that later, but for now, I don't have to blog about it, and that's nice.  And honestly there hasn't been much to blog about "it."  I haven't felt sick, I'm not really showing very much (just feeling chubby-ish), and feel pretty normal all around.  I think I may have felt the first flutters of "it" moving inside me a few days ago, but other than that, not a lot that is noteworthy has happened.  I had my first prenatal appointment when I was up in Anchorage 2 weeks ago and got an ultrasound where I saw the baby, which was bizzare.  But most of my thought energy has been consumed with editing and taking wedding photos for my clients and trying to make a final decision on whether or not we're moving to Alaska.  Boring stuff, really.  No profound thoughts on being a mother or carrying a child.  No solid answers to the endless, "how do you feel?" queries, and I'm never sure whether they're referring to my mental or physical state, and either way the answer is pretty boring.

Brave Living

I'm sitting out on the patio at Joshua Tree Coffee Company, drinking the most delicious Nitro Cold Brew coffee (and it's not just the most delicious because I've been drinking camping-french-press the last week).  The sun is beating down and it's the most perfect 66ºF.  We've been camping in Joshua Tree National Park since Sunday at Hidden Valley Campground where there are no hookups, no wifi, and no cell service.  We've met incredible humans, had our noses sunburned from forgetting that sunscreen out here is absolutely a necessity, climbed up countless rock formations, talked with new friends into the night by the light of a campfire, howled under the full moon, and woke to watch the sun bathe it's first rays over the desert rocks.  In a way, I feel like our stay in Joshua Tree National Park has been our very own Wildbride Retreat.  

Leading the retreats has been a hell of a dive into the deep end.  We're learning to swim, making lifelong friends, cultivating a beautiful space for women to bloom, confronting our own fears and doubts and dreams, and feeling incredibly blessed and humbled by the entire experience.  Between our Joshua Tree retreat, which was last weekend, and our Sedona retreat, which is next weekend, we had a solid 10 days to relax, recoup, and make our way over to Sedona.  Since Sedona is only a 6 hour drive from here, we decided to stick around and soak in the beauty of this place for a while and I'm so glad we did.  Leading the retreats is definitely an energetic drain, in the best way.  Kristina and I are putting out all of our energy creating space for each one of our Wildbrides and we're realizing the importance of nurturing ourselves between each retreat so that we're best able to create that space for each retreat.  We are super excited for our final one in Sedona and we can't wait to dream up the next retreat, hopefully sometime later in the summer.  

For some time both of us have been feeling like it's time to move away from Tacoma.  The push to start a new adventure, to explore, to live a full life is feeling very present.  Dan and I have tossed around ideas for about a year, but I think this summer might be the time to sell our house and just make the leap into something new.  To just trust that we'll find our feet when we land, and even if we fall, someone will be there to help us up.  

Being in the Brave is such a clarifying experience for me.  She strips away everything that doesn't matter.  But she gives back so much in return.  Every time I return to her I remember how beautiful life is living with her.  Maybe this time we'll sell the house and live mobile.  We shall see.  Life is certainly on the verge of a big change, and I'm excited to be a part of what's going to happen next along with my favorite humans and creatures.

Road Life

Life on the road has been pretty tech-free.  We've been out of cell service for a surprising amount of nights, campground internet has been slow, spotty, or non-existent, and driving every day means no blogging.  I've been posting to instagram here and there but other that that I haven't been able to do much online.  We've got a bit of service tonight, so I thought I'd pop in here and say hi.

It's been about 10 days since our first Wildbride Retreat on the Oregon Coast.  Holy moly was it a magical weekend.  I can't wait to spend this upcoming weekend with our next Wildbrides down here in California.  I really want to give you guys a peek at the images we created, but I'm not sure if my internet connection can handle uploading photos, so that'll have to wait.  You can see some peeks over on the Wildbride Facebook, website, and retreat site!

Being on this trip has been so similar and different from my first trip.  A major difference is having Kristina along with me.  While I loved doing the first trip solo, it's been really fun to share stuff with another person.  My recent travels have really revealed that to me.  The importance of sharing life with other people.  I think travel just magnifies that feeling.  Being alone in Paris made it so magnified the weight was crushing.  I remember on my last Brave trip there were some things I kind of wanted to do but felt like they'd be odd to experience alone.  I still did plenty of things, but having someone to share experiences with and bounce ideas off of makes it so much better.

Okay, gotta sign off.  More road stories later.  Campground check out is at 11!  TTYL friends!

Dusty's Snow Adventure

Dusty got a pretty little snow coat from her grandma for Christmas and after seeing how much fun she had in the snow when we got a light dusting last week, I figured it'd be fun to head up to the mountains and play in the snow with her!  I always miss the snow this time of year too, so it was probably as much for me as it was for her.  We drove up to Snoqualmie Pass and found loads of it! She had a total blast and her Pendleton snow coat was perfect!  With all her fur, I'm sure she was the warmest of all of us.

I'd never stopped at Snoqualmie Pass, only just driven through on I-90, but it was so nostalgic driving through the little ski resort town full of A-frame cabins with roofs piled with snow.  For whatever reason I had a vivid memory of an 8th or 9th grade birthday party sleepover at one of my friend's family cabin in Girdwood, AK right at the base of the Alyeska Ski Resort.  It was all giggling, watching scary movies, talking about boys, and sneaking around in the snow in the middle of the night.  Crazy to think that was 16 years ago now. I'm probably closer to having a kid that age than being that age. Yikes.